Tuesday.... my hump day
I have no idea if anyone still reads this blog... but sometimes I just need to write stuff down. I tweet again at the moment, but that tends to come and go, as does my blogging. At the moment I can't read. Can't is a strong word. I don't have time to read.... or I'm not making reading a priority. I miss it as it allows escape. At the moment the MBA is the priority and I'll be curious to see how much easier... or not... it will be once my house guests have gone. I'm hoping much easier, but that may be me just using my parents as an excuse for procrastination - something I excel in. I'm away next week in Abu Dhabi and that will be full on. ADIPEC to all my non-oil and gas friends is one of the biggest oil and gas exhibitions in the world, if not now the biggest. Not only do we have a stand at the exhibition, but there will be client meetings and network events, and I will be there with five colleagues, meaning that other than sleeping and showering, I will not be alone at all next week! It's full on. I used to love it, one of the highlights of my year along with OTC in Houston. I really don't any more.
The MBA is going ok so far, although it's hard to tell after two weeks. It's not as 'flexible' as I had imagined as we have to do some things in groups and my group consists of people from Canada to Kazakhstan so a wide spread of time zones. Tonight we have a group challenge - climbing Everest - not literally (obvully) but an online simulation. It starts at 5pm Qatar time until 8pm and then we debrief, although I haven't managed yet to get all the team members to commit to this, it's hard as everyone works, and we are in different zones. I'm one of the pushier ones at the moment, I can't be as flexible due to the travel and my little ray of sunshine, so want to get as much done Sunday-Thursday as I can, so as not to impose too greatly on our weekends, and with me being away next week, want to try and cram two weeks into this one.... I'm a little tired, but on track!
I'm also very worried about my friend, someone I care about lots. They are suffering a lot at the moment and I don't know how to help. I don't think I can really help. I wish they would talk to me and help me understand better or just let me hold their hand. I hate to think of them going through what they are going through alone and it hurts so much to see them suffer and not be able to do anything. I know it's not about me but I'm inexperienced with this and worry I am saying or doing the wrong thing.... and making it worse. I just wish they could see themselves as I do.
Apart from the above, life is good. I am, however, struggling a little right now to be a good single parent to a tween; NJ has taken to tutting and rolling his eyes at every opportunity. He's not 100% truthful about his homework, meaning I'm having to be stricter on checks, something else I'm rubbish at … and he's not trying his best, which is such a shame as he's such a smart kid. I ended up slapping his arm twice last night as he was so cheeky and rude and I ran out of words and got frustrated. I spent all night feeling so bad about it and so utterly ashamed of myself. I apologised this morning and he turned round and said 'I deserved it mummy' which broke and melted my heart at the same time. I hate fighting with him, I'm often too strict, and I f*&$%£g hate homework, but he has to do it. I have no-one to help me with this because no-one knows him like I do and I'm not good at asking for help, but I felt like a bad mum last night and I made him cry, even without the slap :-(
I just want him to be better than me.
I'm so proud of my little-big boy, I fu*ked up last night!
xxxx
The MBA is going ok so far, although it's hard to tell after two weeks. It's not as 'flexible' as I had imagined as we have to do some things in groups and my group consists of people from Canada to Kazakhstan so a wide spread of time zones. Tonight we have a group challenge - climbing Everest - not literally (obvully) but an online simulation. It starts at 5pm Qatar time until 8pm and then we debrief, although I haven't managed yet to get all the team members to commit to this, it's hard as everyone works, and we are in different zones. I'm one of the pushier ones at the moment, I can't be as flexible due to the travel and my little ray of sunshine, so want to get as much done Sunday-Thursday as I can, so as not to impose too greatly on our weekends, and with me being away next week, want to try and cram two weeks into this one.... I'm a little tired, but on track!
I'm also very worried about my friend, someone I care about lots. They are suffering a lot at the moment and I don't know how to help. I don't think I can really help. I wish they would talk to me and help me understand better or just let me hold their hand. I hate to think of them going through what they are going through alone and it hurts so much to see them suffer and not be able to do anything. I know it's not about me but I'm inexperienced with this and worry I am saying or doing the wrong thing.... and making it worse. I just wish they could see themselves as I do.
Apart from the above, life is good. I am, however, struggling a little right now to be a good single parent to a tween; NJ has taken to tutting and rolling his eyes at every opportunity. He's not 100% truthful about his homework, meaning I'm having to be stricter on checks, something else I'm rubbish at … and he's not trying his best, which is such a shame as he's such a smart kid. I ended up slapping his arm twice last night as he was so cheeky and rude and I ran out of words and got frustrated. I spent all night feeling so bad about it and so utterly ashamed of myself. I apologised this morning and he turned round and said 'I deserved it mummy' which broke and melted my heart at the same time. I hate fighting with him, I'm often too strict, and I f*&$%£g hate homework, but he has to do it. I have no-one to help me with this because no-one knows him like I do and I'm not good at asking for help, but I felt like a bad mum last night and I made him cry, even without the slap :-(
I just want him to be better than me.
I'm so proud of my little-big boy, I fu*ked up last night!
xxxx
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