Just Mum
I was in the Netherlands last week as many of you know. I had to go on a course, Smooth Sales Training (part deux). It's not really my thing, but not going wasn't an option. The course instructors always have novel ways of 'breaking the ice' and this one was no different. Because we all mostly knew each other well we had to write down five things and present to the group:
1. biggest score
2. biggest screw up
3. forgot what this question was???
4. when I'm an adult I want to be....
5. course objectives
I answered them all very quickly except number 4. A few months ago I would have said exactly the same as I am now. I initially put down 'the same'. Then I scribbled it out and put farmer, and when I stood up I said a cook. Now cook and farmer are pretty far removed from each other, but there's synergies there, 'cos in my fantasy world, I see myself on a farm, growing stuff and collecting eggs. Of course I've totally romanticized it - there's no BSE or crop rot or anything on my farm and getting up at four in the morning to milk the cows doesn't enter into my fantasy... It's just the good stuff; fresh produce, herbs plucked from outside the kitchen window etcetera - I watch too many chick movies.
I've been thinking a lot lately of how things could have been different if I was 'just mum'. Be there when NJ got home from school, baking a lot, having time AND the patience to help with homework, having time to read more bedtime stories - or at least longer ones. One of the main reasons for us coming here was to give us a better quality of life and to be able to spend more time with my boy. Whilst in Holland last week, I was already planning my next trip, flying this coming Sunday to the UAE. NJ and I have conversations about my work almost daily and the travelling and what it means for us and our lifestyle and there's often a lot of guilt on my part, because whilst trying to be two parents and do the best for my son, I often have notions that I'm failing miserably at a lot of it.
Anyway, enough of that. Last night at dinner, we were talking about food (we were eating chicken, potatoes, cauliflower and gravy; I had no time to make Yorkshire puddings and mine are dismal anyways, a huge standing joke between the little man and myself every time I attempt them) and NJ often asks how things are made, how they grow, can they fly (we ate quail the night before). I'm thrilled that it interests him, food is very important to me and its a well known fact that some kids don't know that chips are made from potatoes and ketchup from tomatoes.... anyway I'm digressing. NJ announced that he would like to live on a farm and be a farmer. I said its not all glam (contradictory to my fantasy farm above #farmvillestyle) and that you have to get up über early to milk the cows, there's poo to clean up, eggs to collect and so on. He said he knew that and he would be happy to do so, so I told him it was a good ambition to have and I could imagine being a farmer is a happy existence, if not the most money making profession in the world (every job we discuss, he asks if it earns well). He answered that he would actually quite like to live on a farm now, and are there any in Qatar or will we have to move. Right now I like his thinking.
This morning my expat brat was back with a vengeance and moaning at me because I was making him walk to school in the cold (cold FFS) AND carry his own backpack (not my fault he forgot to take the frigging bathroom scales out last night - maths 'mass' project). I have told him that WHEN I have the time (not often) and it's not skin-burning hot, he WILL walk to school. Furthermore he will do so with a smile on his face. It's not his fault that it turned out like this and that I'm not 'just mum', but I need these moments too. I am a soft mum and I spoil my boy, but one thing I think I do well is to make sure my little man is well mannered and polite, social and friendly with respect for others and I make sure he realizes just how lucky he is.
That farm is sounding like a good dream to have today (random thought; was this influenced by summers spent pea pulling and strawberry picking for extra cash?). Moooo!
Have a beautiful day x
PS. I still can't add photographs, I've broke it :-/
1. biggest score
2. biggest screw up
3. forgot what this question was???
4. when I'm an adult I want to be....
5. course objectives
I answered them all very quickly except number 4. A few months ago I would have said exactly the same as I am now. I initially put down 'the same'. Then I scribbled it out and put farmer, and when I stood up I said a cook. Now cook and farmer are pretty far removed from each other, but there's synergies there, 'cos in my fantasy world, I see myself on a farm, growing stuff and collecting eggs. Of course I've totally romanticized it - there's no BSE or crop rot or anything on my farm and getting up at four in the morning to milk the cows doesn't enter into my fantasy... It's just the good stuff; fresh produce, herbs plucked from outside the kitchen window etcetera - I watch too many chick movies.
I've been thinking a lot lately of how things could have been different if I was 'just mum'. Be there when NJ got home from school, baking a lot, having time AND the patience to help with homework, having time to read more bedtime stories - or at least longer ones. One of the main reasons for us coming here was to give us a better quality of life and to be able to spend more time with my boy. Whilst in Holland last week, I was already planning my next trip, flying this coming Sunday to the UAE. NJ and I have conversations about my work almost daily and the travelling and what it means for us and our lifestyle and there's often a lot of guilt on my part, because whilst trying to be two parents and do the best for my son, I often have notions that I'm failing miserably at a lot of it.
Anyway, enough of that. Last night at dinner, we were talking about food (we were eating chicken, potatoes, cauliflower and gravy; I had no time to make Yorkshire puddings and mine are dismal anyways, a huge standing joke between the little man and myself every time I attempt them) and NJ often asks how things are made, how they grow, can they fly (we ate quail the night before). I'm thrilled that it interests him, food is very important to me and its a well known fact that some kids don't know that chips are made from potatoes and ketchup from tomatoes.... anyway I'm digressing. NJ announced that he would like to live on a farm and be a farmer. I said its not all glam (contradictory to my fantasy farm above #farmvillestyle) and that you have to get up über early to milk the cows, there's poo to clean up, eggs to collect and so on. He said he knew that and he would be happy to do so, so I told him it was a good ambition to have and I could imagine being a farmer is a happy existence, if not the most money making profession in the world (every job we discuss, he asks if it earns well). He answered that he would actually quite like to live on a farm now, and are there any in Qatar or will we have to move. Right now I like his thinking.
This morning my expat brat was back with a vengeance and moaning at me because I was making him walk to school in the cold (cold FFS) AND carry his own backpack (not my fault he forgot to take the frigging bathroom scales out last night - maths 'mass' project). I have told him that WHEN I have the time (not often) and it's not skin-burning hot, he WILL walk to school. Furthermore he will do so with a smile on his face. It's not his fault that it turned out like this and that I'm not 'just mum', but I need these moments too. I am a soft mum and I spoil my boy, but one thing I think I do well is to make sure my little man is well mannered and polite, social and friendly with respect for others and I make sure he realizes just how lucky he is.
That farm is sounding like a good dream to have today (random thought; was this influenced by summers spent pea pulling and strawberry picking for extra cash?). Moooo!
Have a beautiful day x
PS. I still can't add photographs, I've broke it :-/
Comments
Post a Comment