Twenty Twenty One, a Year of Uncertainty and a Mid-Life Crisis!

I've had many WTAF moments so far this year already, and it's only he 11th January. I feel a little lost (read 'very').  I was fine until I finished my MBA at the end of October, living in a Covid 'bubble' out here in the desert; jumping up and down at the fact that I was home every evening, no planes to hop on, sunshine on tap and a pretty easy lifestyle.

We began our seventh year in Doha in September 2020, and I finished my seventh year with the company in November.  It's starting to itch..... in the worst possible way.  I'm trying to slow my brain down to avoid making rash decisions but my gut is telling me to 'go, go, go' regardless of the rational arguments that my grey matter may be coming up with.  I realise that this all stems from Covid and the restrictions we have had placed upon our lives during the last eleven months.  I can leave the peninsula now at least, but it's not simple, nor cheap. There's quarantine here, home or hotel, depending on your last destination, and the costs are huge for the hotels.  They are also booked way in advance so a trip back to Europe is out of the question. There's also the risk of borders closing again, catching Covid and a multitude of other issues to consider (who is this person???)

Qatar is great.... I've had a massive love affair with the country (mainly the weather and the outdoor lifestyle, as well as being safe) for the past six years.  Saying that, I've never spent more than a month in the country at any one time; I did seventy flights in 2019 for example. Being stuck here for most of 2020 without a break, without a reality check, has been tough.  I mean, don't get me wrong; we are so much better off than most people in most countries. I really relished spending time at home with NJ and not having to travel after 13 years of constantly being on an airplane; but the fact of it is, Doha isn't 'real'. The 'yes ma'am's' and the 'insh'Alla's' and being answered with giggles to any question that is not understood, gets weary.  You need to escape, get a reality check.  Feel the cold, the wind, the rain on your skin. Splash in muddy puddles, drink in some common sense (hugely lacking here) and talk with people who understand your black, sharp, sense of humour.  Explaining jokes takes the edge off.

Work.... well!  I've done this for thirteen years.  Proposals, tenders, contracts, negotiations, company incorporation.  It's boring, I'm bored.  I need to keep learning and be challenged and I'm not.  I'm slogging my guts out to sort out other people's problems and haggle over a couple of hundred dollars a day (*insert yawn*).  Growth opportunities are hindered by reduced global revenue and lack of experience higher up in the organisation.  I've recently put a nail in my coffin with my outspokenness and critical mind. I've challenged a senior manager, and 'appreciation' is possibly not the right description for the reaction. I am me.  I'm honest and respectful and caring.  I'm passionate about what I do and I work hard, really damned hard. I am also realistic, experienced and candid and I have a massive pair of balls (metaphorically speaking) and although a lot of people like the idea of an outspoken, smart woman; the reality is, many individuals in the workplace are unsure how to deal with it.

Things are running as smooth as they ever will in the Middle East.  I want to do something new; open an new office, explore a new country or region. Move industry, be excited, make a difference to the world. Renewables and the environment are things that I am passionate about and I'm probably in the worst industry in the worst part of the world in that respect.  If I don't change soon, it may be too late!

I will be fifty next year.  My friend told me to buy a fast, red car.  He said it worked for some of his mates in a mid-life crisis, but I think it'll take more than that.  I've always been OK with being alone, and now I'm not sure if I am. I could live another fifty years and in less than four, my little boy will be grown up and likely gone.... and then?  More cats? More sports? More hobbies? I lost a friend recently.  They didn't die, but they were just gone one day.  It really bloody hurts, a lot.  People come and go all the time in my expat world, and I'm usually quite nonchalant about it. There's always a new person to meet, a new friend to make, a new hobby to try. But sometimes, on very rare occasions, it really takes my breath away. No logic, no reasoning, no controlling it.

This could all be a (Covid) blip, but it's niggly and itchy and annoying and all-brain-consuming. I'm averaging over 500 minutes of exercise each week just now and still, it does not go away......

What to do?

Big love xxx